Suicide Risk
by B0N35
Summary: Her Past is back, and its here to stay...can she outrun it this time...or will it mean the end...RR...T for safety although it may not always be


Kensi sat on her kitchen floor, wearing jeans and a vest, a beer in hand and staring, eyes unfocused at the fridge in front of her.

All the men in her life had died. Her father, her friend, ex- boyfriend, partner, and the list went on.

She thought back to her Father, the first one to go.

She's wearing a black mini- skirt, red and black striped tee and a black leather jacket. She puts on her mascara, outlining her smoky eyes and tosses her freshly dyed black hair. Her Father stands in her doorway, his expression forlorn and full of regret. He asks her why and she tells him he knows why. He nods gently and walks out. She goes to see the film that night, its good and she spends most of it snuggled under some guys arm. A guy that today doesn't matter anymore. She remembers coming home and he wasn't there, he was probably out with his friends. She put food in the microwave and ate it quickly. By midnight he still hadn't come home. When the police knocked on her door that morning, she knew. He wasn't gonna come home.

After that she became more and more of a rebel, joining a street gang of bikers and BMX's, she did it for the thrill, to get away from all of the crap in her life. She calmed down by the time she went to college but then needed it all again.

Her ex boyfriend was worse, it wasn't that she loved him more than her father it just reopened wounds. She remembers when she told the mechanic undercover, she had gotten away with a marine, and she had told the truth, well, sort of. She remembers him, his name was Alex, and he was tall, handsome, strong and a marine. He was sweet, he met her in college, and she was studying forensic criminology, he was doing a degree in naval science. They had dated for over a year when he was recalled, she remembers walking through the base one last time before he got on his plane. They stroll around the planes in the hanger, their kind of park. He drops to one knee and tells her he wants to be with her forever. She tells him yes and they kiss under an F-16. Then 2 months later she gets a call, it's his mother, she's been crying and Kensi lets the phone drop to the floor.

She took the first job she was offered. It was a suicide job; they had heard of her experience in freestyle motocross as a teenager and asked her for a favour; Riding a dirt bike across a desert and into an enemy camp to retrieve a piece of vital information. She came back and shocked them all, they offered her another and so it went on like that for a long time, they gave her a partner but she refused to take him into the field with her. The one time he came, the bike crashed, she got out with scrapes, and he stayed down with a broken neck. He didn't get up again.

She joined NCIS not too long after her stint with the adrenaline boys; she has a tattoo on her lower back that reads "Suicide Risk". She covers it up, for all the adrenaline and excitement that went with that job, doesn't cover up what she had to do and what was done to her. So she takes a second to think about her current outlook on life and makes her decision. Solving murders doesn't seem as dangerous as what she's used to, so she gets bored and goes to join the OSP. Macy is a little worried when she first meets her. A kid who has gone through so much and has achieved so much, what would she do with her. When Hetty asks Macy what Kensi is like, she likens her to a puppy, keep her entertained and she'll stay, and otherwise she's off to find a new adventure. She never reveals who she is to Sam and Callen. She doesn't think they'll understand and doesn't even contemplate going to Nate. So she talks to Hetty, they trade tales of handsome men and crazy missions. Hetty feels like the Mother she never had.

Then there was Dom, he was a great friend, shy and a little shocked at first with her wild child life. But it didn't matter; he was still a fantastic guy. Men generally didn't last that long around her, so when he was kidnapped and Sam continuously went on about how he was alive she knew he wouldn't be for long.

Kensi stared at the fridge door for a little longer, just waiting until someone knocks on the door.

She opens the door, and he is standing there, the only man from her past who hadn't died, but perhaps the one that deserved it the most.

"Patterson."


End file.
